life with the chickens

I think I have mentioned how people always love to tell me they wish they'd twins and I have to clench my jaw and smile and try to say something kind like "yes, it is a blessing" or "there is never a dull moment." I remember once meeting a pregnant woman at JoAnn's while chasing the chickens around and quickly losing my patience and she told me she was a few weeks from having twins herself. I don't recall what I said but I am certain it wasn't pleasant and there is a good chance I made her cry. In fact, I think my head spun around three times and spoke in tongues and ended with something like "this is the hardest thing I've ever done." I still obviously feel bad. I mean this is a woman I spoke to for maybe 5 minutes and I am wondering if I ruined her miracle of having twins. I really wish I could meet up with her again and apologize and maybe also have her tell me it is ok because it really is hard.

Anywho, a friend sent along this article and I think to everyone who asks me what it is like with the chickens, this woman captures it perfectly. Here is the link to the entire piece: http://twiniversity.com/2014/02/i-love-having-twins-no-i-really-do/ and I've pasted the piece that describes life here the best but insert that the girls do bite each other and if you aren't careful when breaking up the fight, you too will be bitten.

Speaking of awesome parenting strategies (like “using television in totally inappropriate ways”) let’s talk about time-outs, shall we? In my profession as a marriage and family therapist, I have often recommended “time-ins” instead of time-outs to parents struggling with their children’s behaviors. When a kid is struggling to self-regulate, putting them in an isolated time-out may diffuse things, but actually staying with the child in time-out (hence, a “time-IN”) is recommended because the parent can then help the child learn to calm down and self-regulate. In addition to time-ins, therapists will often recommend that the parent give THEMSELF a time-out rather than removing the child if things get too heated. It’s a great way to break the shame of a child who is always being “banished” and sets an example that “mommy is human and has emotions and needs breaks too.”

Let me show you how this looks when you have two children the same age. Let’s imagine they’re the lovely age of two and a half…

Child A has a yellow plastic giraffe that Child B decides she wants. Child B attempts to grab yellow giraffe from Child A. Fight ensues. There is pushing, there is bull-dozing, there is a weak attempt at choking (What the? Yes, they do this. It’s strange. Like a narrowly focused, exaggerated hug). There is screaming. There’s no biting, yet, but I’m sure they’ll eventually figure that out too. There is Child A escaping and running for her life while Child B throws herself on the floor screaming, clearly not regulated (in fact, let’s call it what it is: she is PISSED OFF).

So here comes mommy, she gently takes Child B by the arm to lead her to a time-in where she can calmly and quietly help Child B learn to self-regulate EXCEPT OH WAIT! That doesn’t work because as mommy tries to lead Child B to her room for a quality time-in, Child A (still upset about being bull-dozed and weakly strangled – relax, she was nowhere near being strangled) decides that the indignation of mommy giving Child B this attention must be rectified immediately, and follows mommy and Child A, screaming and clawing and OH LOOK, a new fight ensues.

Now mommy is Fed. Up. Mommy recognizes she is fed up and decides to give HERSELF a time-out EXCEPT OH WAIT! If mommy walks away to give herself a moment to calm down, these two toddlers are going to continue to claw each other’s eyes out, so mommy removing herself from the situation may actually not be in the best interest of anyone. So guess what mommy does?

TIME OUT!You! – Here!You! – There!Me! – WINE.