Happy
Belated Father’s Day to all my favorite dads.
Like most girls, I think my dad is the greatest guy in the
world. The guy who set the standards for all others. My dad is one of those
dads that knows the answer to any question, can fix just about anything that is
broke, can make you a better meal than you’d have at most restaurants, rarely
gets upset about anything, and is just fun to be around. Those are really big
shoes to fill.
There is an urban legend in the Flisakowski household about a
time when my parents were first married and living in Tucson while my dad went
to college. My mom was responsible for
making dinner and one night my dad came home to what my mom said was 7 layer
dip/casserole but was lacking about 4 layers. From that day forward, my dad
took over the cooking for the family. I never questioned this or thought it was
odd in any way until I was in middle school and people would comment on the
fact that my dad cooked. It was always a bit of shock for most of my friends
but once they ate his cooking they understood why. My parents raised me to accept
non-traditional, whether it be that women can be whatever she wants or that a
dad can cook kick-ass dinners. I don’t think it is something they intentionally
set out to do as parents but it is an aspect of my childhood that I cherish and
hope I am passing on to my children.
Almost 11 years ago, Rick and I were new parents to this
fabulous little guy. We did what most couples in our generation do when they
have kids and hunted down the best daycare program regardless of the cost for
him. And while neither of us loved sending him to daycare we were content with
our decision until we had a series of unsatisfactory interactions with the
daycare that culminated in a day of finding out that JT had sat in a highchair
in a poopy diaper for almost 2 hours while the worker-bee worked to get her
room clean so when the last parent pick up was over she could leave and get her
own kids. I don’t blame her. She was in a tough spot, working a minimum wage
job that she didn't like while raising kids and trying to go to school. As parents
we were livid and in that moment we made one the biggest decisions of our life:
Rick would become a Stay at Home Dad. Rick would leave a job that he had
no passion for, that he commuted almost an hour each way to get to, and that
was basically paying for daycare and become the primary care giver. We didn't
know what we were doing but it felt right.
When we made this change, we didn't think we were trend setters.
We were just a family doing what we need to do for our family. When we’d let
others know our situation we were met with support from friends and family and
we met some great friends through the Austin Stay at Home Dads group. We were
also met with millions of questions and comments when we mentioned Rick’s new job. There were lots
of dumb comments like, “You trust him to be at home with your child(ren)?”,
“Why wouldn't you stay at home instead?” and “Does he feel like less of a man staying
at home?”
It hasn't always been easy. There are days Rick wants to
quit and he never really gets vacation time. And of course financially this
hasn't been easy but money comes and goes. In my heart I believe that the boys
will look back and remember that their days were filled with adventures and
laughter with their dad and that as a family we got to spend more time together
than apart. My hope is that they will pay that forward when they have their own
families; they might decide they want to stay at home with their kids or at the
very least they will see that there are no set roles in a marriage but rather
two people that work together to create a loving, fun home for their family.
And while the world may not have been ready for Modern Dads
it is great to see that media outlets like the Today Show are realizing that
non-traditional families are not disappearing and we need to embrace them in
every form and listen to their voices. The
Today Show has changed their site page from Today Mom to Today Parents and they
are following a group of dad bloggers including a dad (Adrian Kulp) that did
some writing for Modern Dads.
And just for some fun internet viewing, you can go back to last August when
Kathy Lee confirmed that SAHD have gone from “creepy to cool” and our first
segment ever on the Today Show in 2008 when the talk of stay at homes dad was
just starting.
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